Sunday, December 8, 2013

I’ve been ‘Scrooged’ with a Nasty Case of the Christmas Doldrums

I’ve been “Scrooged” with a nasty case of the Christmas doldrums. “What does that even mean?” would fall from the lips of at least one of my children, and how do I explain it when I can’t make rational sense of it myself?

I understand on an intelligent level how blessed I am with four incredibly brilliant, beautiful and talented boys, yet for the past few years, when the calendar ominously points to December 1, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.
There are reasons as to why I feel “Scrooged”, details of my personal and family life that I don’t want to publicly proclaim. But behind the ear-to-ear smile is a nasty case of the Christmas Doldrums.

I wasn’t going to articulate my wintry depression. But the cold weather and insane PMS has left me wrapped in my sweats, a hoodie and a cardigan, underneath my JETS throw as I watch my team, hopefully, win. And as of the 3rd quarter, the JETS are ahead of the Raiders 27 to 10. While I typed away, multi-tasking as only a woman can and desperately trying to make money with my online Web gig, I realized I have sorely neglected Life, as I see it!
The thing is, I always loved Christmas, the tears that well in my eyes at Midnight Mass, the magic of Santa and the joy I have instilled in my children that originated from that adoration and excitement.
And it doesn’t help that my birthday is six days before. My parents were always very diligent not to make me feel gypped in any way, shape or form. As a matter of fact, my deep love began with the story of my birth, because I was, as my beautiful mother has always told me, her very special Christmas baby. I was the only daughter, granddaughter, niece, sister and female first cousin.
But we grow up, move out and have our own families and that magic that was created for me from the love of my family has been put aside, at my own command, and given to my sons. We must put the needs and wants over our own, and that is ok! I don’t want a fuss, but what happens is, and if it wasn’t for Facebook, I don’t think anyone would know about my birthday, friends forget the day, they have their own lives, spouses work and kids are busy with school, etc.
I will eventually move on and the spirit of Christmas will fill my heart, even without three nightly visits of Christmas ghosts, but for now I remain “Scrooged”.
If Santa Clause or any Christmas Angel is reading or listening to my heart right now, all I want for my birthday and Christmas is peace within my family and the work to support them.
Keep a smile on your face and love in your heart for you never know how another is suffering.
Merry Christmas, yes I say Merry Christmas, it is what I celebrate and a Happy New Year---PLEASE! To all of my Jewish friends, I hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah.
Hopefully it won’t take me over a year to give some love to my first blog!
©Deirdre Haggerty, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this article may be reproduced without prior written permission and consent from the author. 

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